Yesterday, both times my wife and I tried to have sex I lost my erection. The first time I was able to get it back and finish the job, but she was still feeling insecure that I lost it at all. The second time I just gave up. Ever since I have just been feeling like maybe I’m just worthless and need to just disappear.
I’ve been feeling a little more anxious lately, but have been able to perform fine. Not my best work recently, but adequate, and getting her off. Haven’t had any major setbacks in a couple months, making love on average once a day.
But this last setback has sent me for a loop. The shame is relentless. I’m tired of being embarrassed to wake up as me every day. I’m tired of feeling like I’m just a worthless waste of space that brings no value into the world. I don’t know what to do.
1 Like
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Average once a day is decent man! Plus you’ve been getting her off. We all have setbacks and I know how you feel. It’s frustrating. You’re not a waste of space and your wife loves you, just like you love her even though she’s not perfect. Use the exercises on here related to stopping negative thoughts. Keep communication open with your wife. Keep getting her off. You are doing great and keep fighting bro
2 Likes
Have the same issue with my partner. She has been patient so far but now beginning to question if I want her. Trying to explain it but she thinks I am now avoiding sex. I am not but it’s not happening. So in a frustrating cycle.
Once a day is def above average, I’d say and if you’re getting her off each time, too, props to you. I’ve been there tho. Avoided sex bc I couldn’t perform; wife thought it was her, the continuous pressure I put on myself, the shame, etc. Be honest, transparent, and confidently vulnerable with her. She’ll understand when you talk about the “inner critic” bc she has one, too. Everyone does. Once you see that she is there for you (as she has always been), there’ll be an internal shift and continue that momentum. Find that original connection of why you’ve always loved her in the first place, for who she is, and that’ll open up your body to respond to her the way you’re seeking. Good luck!
1 Like
Once a day would far exceed anything I know friends do and would be a dream come true - in my twenties would be doable but a couple decades down the road it seems unachievable. In any event we all seem to need to be easier on ourselves