I am a gay, married 30-year old man. I used to not get anxious about sex until sometime in the last year when, for the first time in years, I wasn’t able to get hard (because I was extremely drunk). This one occurrence immediately brought back all the feelings of shame and embarrassment that I had felt when I was in high school and still trying to have sex with females. After this one occurrence about a year ago, my inability to get hard started happening more and more often until I arrived at the point where I am today. Prior to any sexual encounter, I start feeling extremely anxious, as if I already know that there is no possible way that I will get it up–it’s like I’ve already lost and have failed. Not only is this embarrassing for me, but it also makes me feel guilty because I know that it is also affecting my husband. This anxiety about not getting hard is precisely what keeps me from getting hard in the first place. I have known that this was my problem for a while, but I had no idea that this was a common issue among other men my age (30 years old). I certainly wasn’t able to talk about it with anyone. I’m really hoping that I can find a way to get back to where I was a year ago and shed all this doubt.