I can’t imagine women feel secure when the man they’re with can’t get it up. I feel like I’ve had some wonderful first dates but if we come back to mine, things get dicey and while I’m pretty good with foreplay, I can’t help but think they’re leaving unfulfilled
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My best advice would be that communication is key. Be honest about what’s going on and the anxiety. If the girl still reacts badly, she’s probably not the right person for you.
Also, it’s understandable if she feels insecure, society teaches women to look for the “reason in themselves” when something goes wrong, and it also pushes the stereotype that men can get hard and have sex anytime if they want to. Those are stereotypes.
The way to break that loop and help her feel secure is through clear communication and reassurance.
And don’t aim for one-night stands right now. Try to build a connection with someone you could actually see a future with. Get to know each other a bit before sex. At the same time, don’t wait too long without saying anything, because that can confuse her. If you’re not ready, communicate that too.
Also, women just don’t get it. They do not have to get hard to perform. Yes they have to get wet but that is way different. They can at least use lube or something and they can have sex at any time. They will never get the performance anxiety and the loop that occurs In our heads to get our little heads to get hard.