To give background of me, I am 23 M and been on porn for 9 years. I used to masturbate to my fantasies but that thing has been long gone. I don’t think about sex unless I watch porn (I might admire a sexy lady here and there but not much more) and also I only masturbate to porn. My preferences have escalated especially in the last 1.5 years, which went into transgender porn -eventhough I never was attracted to the idea before-. Last year I started my journey of stopping, which began very good with an immediate 40 days no porn, afterwards it was a series of slip-ups and restarting my goal. The issue is I am afraid of being inable to perform when with a woman since I am having very weak morning wood and I don’t get random erections. Even when I try to play with myself I don’t get much hard (but this may be party due to the death grip I used to have whenever I masturbate). I just need to know what to do to rewire my brain to fantasize and find sexiness in normal life instead of the fake porn scenes. Im currently on 6 days of being clean.
Hope someone whos been there can share and help me end this issue
What’s your exercise regimen like? I find that a high intensity interval workout or some moderate to strenuous strength training get the blood and endorphins flowing, and the libido boosted. I’d start there, when you have the urge to look at porn, do some kind of workout instead.
HIIT training works well for me, I went a little over 4 months of no porn or masturbation at the start of 2024, I’m looking to get back into that same level of focus, energy and drive, this is good advice!!
I was thinking same as you once upon a time, but I now I think that porn itself is not really the problem. More like the type of porn. Obviously transgender porn is bad unless you are looking to date a transgender person. Try to look at more realisitic sex, especially pov. Look for porn that has realistic women in it, not with a perfect body, but with all “imperfections” normal women come with. Also, dont look at porn all the time of course. Make it a special treat. You can mix it up with just fantasy, audio, erotica etc. Consume stuff that makes you feel good on a higher level, the sex that you want to have.
The bottom line is, dont fight your urges till the better end. Try to redirect it to something good. It can condition you for real sex.
I’ve been in a similar loop with porn and a too-hard grip, so I get it. I quit porn because I noticed it was messing with my arousal and what turns me on in real life, also putting me more on this tight grip, speeding up, rushing to finish goal oriented mode, and I’m still working on changing those habits.
Also, 6 days clean is basically nothing after 9 years of conditioning. The first weeks can feel flat, weaker morning wood, less random erections, and your brain starts freaking out. That doesn’t mean you’re broken, it’s just your system adjusting. And the porn taste escalated thing doesn’t automatically mean anything deep about you. Porn is just novelty, your brain keeps chasing the next stronger thing and dopamine.
If you want to fix this, I suggest you take time off porn and more importantly you need to change how you masturbate. Use lube, go slower, loosen your grip, and don’t make every session about finishing as fast as possible. If you catch yourself squeezing harder or speeding up to force it, stop and reset. And don’t test yourself with porn to see if you can get hard, that just keeps you stuck in my opinion.
Yes, I too suffered with this and its difficult. You’re young though at 23. Ar least you are in a spot to correct it.
How long before you saw improvement?
Honestly, I’ve only been doing mindful masturbation for about a week, so I can’t claim some massive change yet. And it’s just one, albeit important, part of the plan, so on its own it won’t solve everything. The first few sessions were awkward and frustrating because my body kept wanting to slip back into autopilot, tighter grip, clenching/tensing up, faster pace, and rushing to finish.
What I have noticed already is more awareness and a bit more control, like catching myself before I go full death grip mode and being able to slow down instead of forcing an orgasm.
I’ve done some reading on the topic since then. Long term, the whole point and the benefits are basically:
-you retrain sensitivity, so you don’t need a tight grip or crazy speed to feel good
-you break the “rush to finish” pattern, so sex feels more like connection and less like a performance
-you get better at staying present instead of spectating and monitoring
-you learn that going a bit softer isn’t an emergency, which makes erections feel less fragile
-you build more control over arousal, so you can pace yourself better and last longer if you want
-it can reduce old conditioning, because your arousal isn’t dependent on super intense external stimuli (porn, tight grip, speed)
From what I’ve read here, guys who really changed it talk more in weeks to months, not days, and a lot of them say boring consistency is what did it. Also worth searching this community for posts about mindful masturbation, directed masturbation, death grip recovery. There are a few solid longer updates from people who fully rewired the habit.
Thank you for your comment. I had no idea about mindful masturbation and how it can help with re-training your mindset and feeling more pleasure.
I’ve been seeing a new partner lately and struggled with maintaining an errection due to pressure and anxiety. I know the cause is phycological however, I’m hoping these new methods will help me gain back control in the bedroom.