All the success stories seem to come evolve people beating their psych ED through support from their partner. My wife doesn’t want to know - she wants to pretend it’s not an issue and I should just stop worrying. I get that the less of an issue she makes it then ultimately I might be able to use that to get over it also but has anyone managed to sort this on their own?
I have been suffering with this on and off for over 6 years. Take 5mg of tadafadil daily
Have a serious, face-to-face talk with her. Sit down with no distractions. Be clear about the facts: this has been going on for six years. When she refuses to acknowledge it as an issue, it makes you feel unseen and unheard, and pretending it isn’t a problem clearly hasn’t helped.
Use “I” statements and focus on impact, not blame, for example: “I feel lonely and rejected when we don’t address this.” There’s a communication exercise in here that can help you structure it.
If she’s still reluctant, suggest couples counselling. Not as a threat, but as a practical next step: “I don’t want to keep repeating the same conversation for another six years. I want us to get help and actually change something.”
Also get clear and be specific about what you need going forward. Not vague “more intimacy,” but concrete: frequency, initiation, check-ins, affection outside sex, whatever matters to you. Then agree on a small plan and a timeline, and revisit it. If nothing changes after an honest talk and a real attempt at help, that tells you something important.
Good luck. She may mean well, but avoiding the issue for six years isn’t a solution. It’s avoidance, and it’s costing the relationship.
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