44 yr old, married for 22 years, absolutely awesome wife, about two years ago on and off, I go soft during foreplay. Recently, it’s like almost every time, start foreplay, get hard, either during or after I have got her off, I go soft and can’t go to penetrative sex. Am now fully nervous during foreplay and this just makes it worse. If she gets me hard and I go straight in, no problem. It’s knowing I have got to put it in once she comes that’s the problem. Also have high blood pressure so the medication is also risky at the moment too. Any advice?
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I think it’s ok to not be constantly hard throughout foreplay, especially if you are spending a bunch of time getting her off. Happens to me as well. Then after she comes and she wants me to fuck her, takes me a minute to get it up. I continue to touch her while im getting hard so she stays in the mood and often have her help as well. No need to rush, take your time. Most important is that you are communicating with her so her expectations are managed. In the end, you both want the same thing. Different strokes for different folks. You got this man!
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This has been an occurrence for me sometimes too. Looking forward to seeing what suggestions and folks make and strategies that can be helpful here.
Hi, thank you, that’s a very nice thing to hear and thank you for the positive reassurance! I think my issue (and it’s my issue in my head) is that up int prob 2-3 yrs ago, I used to stay hard regardless of what I was doing and just go “straight in” after her orgasm. Have had all the tests and nothing wrong physically apparently, and if gotten hard and go straight in, it’s fine. Frustrating but I think that other than a positive frame of mind and not panicking, there is not much what I can do!
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I have something very similar but maybe a touch worse. Started about a month ago. 55, married 28 yrs. She’s a knockout but not very sexually oriented.
I may be hard as a rock before when not in her presence but then go soft with her, even if I made her climax (manually) and can’t penetrate. Later I can get rock hard again by myself with porn. I’m deeply frustrated because I love sex and need it daily.
I haven’t had a problem getting hard for sex in the past. But this weekend I was hard for short period before we got naked and I all the sudden went limp. It totally ruined our mood and we just got dressed. I didn’t know what to say. The next night, I was ready and again, we got naked and I completely when soft. It got in my head that I was worried it would happen again and it did. Now I am afraid it will happen again and again. How do I get out of this rut and get out of my head?
Hi, basically what happened to me. Happened once, then again and again and again, now just expect it. It’s pretty demoralising. Am sure it’s psychological but dont know how to unlock it now and just lost. If you find out how to fix it, let me know 
My strategy is to go all in on foreplay and make sure she gets off a few times orally or with my hand or a toy. That takes the pressure off me and my dick! She’s melted butter at this point and if I’ve lost it, I simply rub it on her and she loves it. I can usually get hard enough to get in, then once she starts to react, her moans and sounds get me going again.