Multiple sexual issues

🍆 Erection issues
1

i feel like i’m dealing with pretty much every problem in this community and i have no idea how i can manage them all and get to a healthy sex life.

i discovered porn at a young age and used to edge for ages with a really tight grip while squeezing my pelvic floor.

in my teen years i realised that i was bi, and the guilt and shame from not being able to tell female partners about this + the paranoia that i might actually just be gay makes dating and sex with women really stressful, it’s been so hard to just be present.

to add to that im also not a very girthy guy. my equipment is on the longer and skinnier side which i know is not generally preferred. i hate how my dick looks and it feels like even more of a let down because i’m black and i know expectations are high. what’s more, i usually dont get much friction PIV sex which makes it harder to keep it up when my mind is playing games.

finally, i haven’t really learned how to pleasure women with my fingers and tongue. it’s quite rare that i can get a partner to O without me copping out or her stopping me.

i know that a lot of this is a mindset thing, and i need to find a way to be more positive.

it’s just that there are so many insecurities flying round my head that i basically never feel confident or adequate enough to even start having fun in bed.

would love to hear from anyone else who’s on a more complex journey. did you focus on one issue at a time, or tackle them all at once?

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I think most of us have more than one issue, to some degree. I get in my head, I have psychological ED and can’t get it up, there’s been times when I cum too fast, I haven’t always got a woman to O by fingers/tongue. I would say take it one step at a time, use the inner critic exercises, I think the main thing is the sexual anxiety and all these thoughts. None of us are perfect in bed and I think most people have insecurities - try not to be hard on yourself and take it one step at a time

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I think one step at a time and working on one problem can help with others. I am also bi and think just accepting that can really help with things also telling your partners, sexual attraction is rather fluid, and just being bit kinder to yourself would be my advice

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Please be kind to yourself, that is the biggest thing. Know that you are great just by being who you are. And if you are fortunate to find a loving partner they will love and support you for who you are and what you need.

This day and age it’s so easy to find faults in ourselves since everyone are showing mostly their best selves online but no one is really sharing the difficulties. Start by telling yourself that you are wonderful for who you are and you definitely DON’T have to be perfect. The fact that you are fallible just makes you human.

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