Hi guys,
I went to a sex therapist in the past with my ex girlfriend. He told me that I need excitement + relaxation to get a strong enough erection. So I needed to relax and focus on sexual stimuli rather than my penis.
Somewhere in my life I taught myself to actively stimulate my erection by contracting my pelvic floor muscles. I seldomly feel like my erections are effortless, though there have been several occasions where they were effortless, admittedly often while using cialis.
I tried this relaxation on many occasions, thus no contracting of the pelvic floor muscles, and just focus on what I feel, but often that actually lead my dick to go softer or totally flaccid. The obvious issue is that making an effort leads to spectatoring, so there’s some sort of catch 22 there.
I’m really struggling to see whether this is just because I made myself believe that I need to contract my pelvic floor muscles for a good erection, or that there is actually a physical issue that leads blood to flow out, if I don’t keep it trapped with my pelvic floor muscles.
I actually want a penile duplex ultrasound to see whether there is actually a physical issue with my bloodflow. I figured if I can be sure the bloodflow works fine, that might help me psychologically as well.
Does anyone recognise my issue?
If so, did you manage to make progress or overcome this?
Also, I’m curious to know if anyone has experience with the penile ultrasound.
Let me know your thoughts!
Cheers
I have not had the ultrasound but I too was convinced I had a blood flow problem. If you can get hard and can finish from sex or masturbation that means you don’t have a blood flow problem. Issues are mainly psychological. I was convinced I had blood clots, little blood flowing in my arteries bc I do not wake up with morning wood. I had full cardio work up. Bottom line I am good. I need more sleep, rest and relaxation. Stress is the main force hurting our wood and is the cause of our ED. But like you focusing on exercises to manage this does cause me to spectator. Just enjoy the senses. The way I’m getting around this is trying to turn sex more into a playful game with my wife. We let the tension build up doing the day with some quick teases and touches and when we are intimate have no expectations of finishing and just see how things good. It has made it fun and I am responding more to different touches!
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Thanks, that’s helpful. I am quite convinced that it is all in my head, but there’s this 1% doubt in my mind about the possibility of a physical issue.
I’m seeing the doctor this week to at least discuss possible therapy again to manage my anxiety and sexual issues. Let’s see what she thinks.
I think my anxiety disorder is the main cause of my sexual issues.
I’m currently dating and hope to build some trust with this girl I’m seeing so that I’m comfortable enough to be playful and not think about performing.
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Good luck! And if you are worried just tell whoever you are dating that sometimes you get camera shy. But that you love to play and would love to make each other feel good. No expectations just explore, do what feels good and enjoy the moments. You will be surprised at how awesome you will perform!
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I’m having this issue recently. Feel like my biners have lost the firmness and I’m having to flex my muscles to keep it up! Wonder myself what it is!