Think my wife has shut me down sexually

I’m 47. Been with my wife for 10 years, married for three. We’ve got 2 kids in primary school. Early on sex was pretty normal, vanilla but plentiful. I tried a few things early on, butt play, talked about anal etc but i got a pretty volcanic reception at the time so backed off. Prior to my wife i’ve had some great, intimate relationships with women with hot mutually satisfying sex and a little bit of kink with some partners. So i would consider myself

After the first kid arrived, things shut down pretty quickly, wife got really insecure but also had post partum mental health issues. I gave a lot of myself away trying to care and support her and our kids while working full time but ended up being the villain as she only remembers the few times i reacted poorly to her abuse and constant suspicion about my activities.

Was basically chasing sex for quite a few years in this scenario, being a dutiful husband and getting ‘okay’ but not connectedly intimate sex perhaps 3-4 times per year. But last few months i can’t even be arsed with her anymore, way too much of a minefield to be worth it basically. But i’ve noticed i’m kind of off other women too. Like i still eye them but my dick isn’t in the game anymore.

Can relationship stress do this? Feel like my marriage has fucked me up for other women. I just miss the connection and making a woman cum a few times.

Sorry to hear that. That is definitely rough. From my similar experience - working on some things myself with things here - including the sensate training (level one is something a loving spouse has got to try - it’s not more than non-sexual touch), doing couples counseling to work through some emotional disconnect, working through my own issues with an awesome counselor and being patient have shown progress.

Dude, the 40s and being a dad with busy kids is a total game changer. You’ve got this!

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