I have to improve in understanding how they feel and how sometimes they exaggerate their feelings because they want to make sure they are heard
Im terrified of sharing certain emotions, because im afraid my partner sees me as weak or fragile, instead of my emotion is big and important. Im sure she will be accepting, but my ex would ridicule me for being weak when i was sad, and that feeling is stuck in me
My wife and I have not developed the skills to have healthy conflict, and it is usually evident in the bedroom. I’d like to figure out how to have healthy, smaller conflict instead of being on a roller coaster.
I think I mostly just need to work on not avoiding conflict. Things are always better when issues are confronted at the time rather than boxing them up for later. The conversations can be hard but it’s always far less stressful overall.
To start I need to work on avoiding conflict and express my feelings when I have something. Then, when we’re already in the middle of conflict I need to work in multiple aspects such as not being so dramatic, stick to the facts, listen before getting all riled up, keep the calm.
We had a weekend of good sex - then two weeks later we tried again and I couldn’t perform. She was understanding but said it makes her feel like I’m not attracted to her and was quiet and sad for awhile. I’m back to being stressed and scared to initiating intimacy.
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Many times in conflicts I’ve tried to figure out a way to be right or to shut down / defend against what the other person is sharing, often I later realize because I received it as criticism - sometimes rightly, sometimes wrongly. These NVC tips are helpful reminders of how I could steer a conflict toward healthy resolution instead of toward disconnection and loss of emotional trust.
I need to work on trying to problem solve every interaction and just hear and support them. I feel I always need to be in the right or never wrong out of fear for how they will percieve me.
I need to be able to paring up how I am feeling in any capacity, good or bad. I have issues with being direct and communicating any emotions
Be more open about the need to be a partnership, also open up about sexual issues
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Not bottling things up until I explode
Taking more responsibility for day to day organisation instead of letting her make arrangements and then being frustrated and disapproving with what she has put in place .
Being anxious about her response and view of me
I really need to work on taking criticisms. I feel attacked and then I get defensive and give excuses, which makes it so I don’t take in the lesson and they don’t feel heard and freed from it.
luckily me and my wife are pretty equal, we both fight but we both give in and apologize and figure out a solution together.
I feel she isn’t putting in the effort I’ve told her I need.
I’m in the same boat man. Keep working in this program and continue to show her you’re attracted to her in many different ways. Sex and intimacy is so much more than what we think it is. I have to make sure I do the same thing right now.
I need to better toe the line between caring and caretaking.
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In fact, i need to work on my reluctancy to express my feelings and needs to avoid conflict
I need to better toe the lie between caring and caretaking ad well as well as work on expressing my needs more openly.