I’m early 40s and happily married in a 17 year relationship. ED through performance anxiety has been an issue for me sincere start but after a few years of constantly trying to have sex and some help from pills to boost confidence we worked through it. Fast-forward 10 plus years and we had kids and naturally sex comes less often and for the past 2-3 years my ED has come back with a vengeance . The challenge is because sex is less frequent I build up expectations and don’t want to get in my head and fail and then the cycle starts.
I was wondering what has really worked for others from this app, everytime we start getting close to sex and making out I immediately think about getting an erection and then fail to do so. My wife is happy to give me oral and when she does that I can eventually refocus on sensation but it feels like I’m suddenly 0-100 in a few seconds and it’s over before I’m even properly hard.
There’s a lot of tools on this site but it’s hard to know what to do and when ie breathing or trying to focus on senses etc it’s a bit overwhelming and ends up being a distraction rather than a help.
Has anyone got any bite sized tips that have worked? I’m finding this so frustrating when you’ve got someone you are really attracted to and things work when you’re alone but not when you’re together!
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Im in the same boat, youre not alone here. Its a difficult place to be. Im just working through the routines. 15 day in. Trying the solo touch and directed masturbation techniques. Learning how to get out of your head and in the moment has been helping me
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Honestly man, I think this issue is truly a difficult one to overcome for every man and I don’t think we ever recover from it. Thankfully we have medication that helps. I’d strongly advice you make it a habit now to take penile medication if it’s been an ongoing issue for years, or consider a penile pump, just another option.
The central nervous system is responsible for the ED. If the CNS is rattled then it also affects the brain and damages our psyche as men.
I’ve been going through this for 7 years and I’ve had thr best sex when I’ve had medication. I had a few years where it never happened thr ED but I was never able to fully enjoy thr sex. I take Tadalfil now, either 5mg daily so it builds up for spontaneous sex or 20mg for 36hr effect.
The way I look at this issue is: if you have depression then you take medication; heart issues- medication; diabetes- medication; so why wouldn’t you do the same for erection issues? Unfortunately therapy isn’t always enough, thr brain needs drugs to help it sometimes.
My ED is rooted in anxiety and depression, OCD and ADHD. So I have to take medication to help me. It’s part of my life and I own who I am.
Take the pills mate. Put an end to trying to do this naturally all the time because you need piece of mind, especially if you want to have good sex. We need help and you’ll be better off accepting that when you come to realise it.
I’ve suffered through performance anxiety for 15 years. My wife is super supportive but it gets frustrating because I want to make her happy. I’ve been doing this app for 3 months and I’ve not had an issue in that time. Could be a coincidence as I often might go six months without an issue. But once I have one failure, it leads to the next and so on. To your question: what has worked for me is redefining what a successful sex session is in my mind. For me it is bringing my wife to completion. So I focus on that first. It can be with my hand or by going down on her. But when she cums I find that I get turned on even more and the pressure is off. If I start out strong and then start to lose it, I shift my focus from my dwindling enthusiasm and focus on how it feels to touch her in different places. Focus on how her breasts feel in my hands etc. also, if I do lose my erection halfway through, I chose to think of it as a half success instead of a failure and return to making her pleasure my priority. Finally, I made sure th mood is right and the desire is mutual. If I sense she’s not in the mood it affects my own arousal. Good luck.
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