Don’t try and blame your testosterone levels unless they’re genuinely low… not low by some crank clinic definition- this is an easy get out and one I’ve fallen into before
Exactly my train of thoughts down to the words
It’s the panic and stress of thinking sex is coming. That leads to the inner critic running wild. More spontaneous intimacy proves I have no issues. So it’s building evidence to shut that critic down.
The last time I had sex, I was nervous and fearful. Up to that point, it was over a year and that was with my ex. According to the more recent woman… she enjoyed herself and apparently cam. It felt like 3 minutes and I felt ashamed about my performance. She was more than satisfied and compassionate. But I was beating myself up internally. I truly believed I wasn’t good enough. Time to get to work and rewrite the narrative.
Sometimes when I am not able to maintain an election to have penetrative sex with my girlfriend, I start to think that maybe I’m not interested in her in a romantic or sexual way, that she is just a very good friend. Or maybe I’m not interested in women in general and I’m suppressing being gray. This is all despite the fact that I have a strong emotional connection with my girlfriend that I different from just friends, I have had other sexual experiences with both her and other women where I get aroused and cum, and that I have never gotten aroused or cummed in response to a same sex fantasy or act. Alternative thoughts I have are that there is more to sex than just traditional penetrative sex, I can give and receive orgasms in other ways, my girlfriend still seems satisfied, and that sexual orientation is not defined by my ability to get aroused or have an orgasm on command all the time.
I’ve had problems getting it up recently with relationships and situationships. I always give up so easily and don’t even try. I find that when I do try, and put myself into the moment I can get it up. I can easily satisfy a woman with other means, so i’m not a complete failure. I’ve had more sex than I have had awkward incidents. These incidents don’t define me as a person.
I agree with the other guy. Unless you’re clinically low - there is no way to use that as a scapegoat. I’m going to generalise here and say that you’re a healthy young man. These experiences don’t define you, and you can always destress if you have the commitment.
That my partner is only acting like they’re orgasming or pretending to enjoy it more than they actually are
That if it happened once, it is a problem. The truth is, it rarely happens, and my wife is super sweet and supportive.
If I fail to get it up, I won’t be loved.
I had this feeling a few days ago too, that therapy and Mojo weren’t getting me what I wanted (orgasm without external stimulation). I had to remind myself that my wife and I had made major progress in our relationship, that directed, mindful masturbation was giving me a better feeling of pleasure, and that it was going to take time to rewire 25 years of getting off one specific way. I decided today to let go of the goal of orgasm during sex, for now. I’m not giving up, but I need to forget about it for now and focus on the pleasure I am having instead of the thing I think I want. Pleasure and intimacy are the goal. Not a thing that gives an instant of intensity, followed by a complete dropoff (and a mess to boot).
I feel less of a man when I can’t get it up.
When my sexual performance isn’t as strong as it could be, I feel like my partner is dissatisfied. I can restructure this thought to focus on the ways in which my partner expresses her satisfaction, in our intimacy and in other areas of our relationship.
A relatively recent issue arising with getting hard due to an harsh comment from an ex doesn’t discount the numerous other positive experiences I’ve had with other women. A new short lived obstacle doesn’t set a permanent tone for the future.
Last time I fucked I didn’t get hard at all during foreplay, and went soft when my partner touched me despite being rock hard when sucking his dick. My thoughts were that I would go soft and of course I went soft this always happens, I’m a failure and a fuck up because of it. This is catastrophising, something I know I am prone to do. In reality, I get hard loads when sucking his cock and that’s because there’s no expectation for me to be hard, so I can’t fail at it,.so there’s no issue. My partner, even when sucking my soft dick, has never had an issue and thoroughly enjoys it, and when relaxed I got mostly hard before overthinking again, proving it’s my own thoughts causing this and not a failure of myself.
Last time I had a negative sexual experience, I was annoyed that I wasn’t getting fully erect quickly because we only had time for a quicky. I got self critical and stopped enjoying the moment / felt like I was on performance because we had to do it in that moment before I left for a trip. Breathing and focusing on sensations rather than just on the erection could have helped
During foreplay I was soft and could not hard as much as I tried I couldn’t believe it happened again and how embarrassing this is for me she probably thinks it’s because of her
This happened because I was so stressed, I was focusing my hardest on getting hard causing me more stress. And she has said and made me feel like this doesn’t matter to her, she understands and she gets it. She doesn’t hold this against me and she doesn’t even bring it up unless I do.
Having sex and already telling myself not to come quick, last longer, distract myself, stressed, jizz in minutes and then stress about the time we had.
So many of the negative thought patterns, apply. All or nothing… I feel like a failure. Generalising… my sex life is fucked. Disqualifying the positive… they probably really didn’t have a good time. Fortune telling… better not do the same as last time! Categorical imperative… she’s got to cum otherwise it’s shit sex. Catastrophe… my sex life if over now!
Jesus no wonder I’m stressed out… with all these negative thoughts 
it’s a minefield!
I never used to be like this before… what happened! Got to be aware of all these so can get them sorted and get back to the fun game.
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Good to be aware*
Always nervous I am going to cum too quickly. Has happened multiple times and I know she is not satisfied and I feel like a failure and that if it carries on like this then fair enough if she wants to call it quits