She felt insecure jealous and irritable she needed intimacy and closeness and I felt misunderstood and overwhelmed I needed understanding and love
She felt insecure and worried and needed acceptance and reassurance, I felt surprised and hurt and needed trust and learning.
She was battling depression and starting to shut down emotionally as we were going through marital difficulties. I was feeling very isolated/lonely and needed some type of communication/affirmation to understand where we stood and potentially where we were going.
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She was feeling detached and in need of intimacy in any capacity - I had pulled away from her a bit, even just siting closer together on the couch while we watched tv made her feel better
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She has felt rejected and undesired for some time now due to my ED and more specifically, my not doing anything about it. All she wanted was some reassurance that I do still desire her and make her feel beautiful. I felt disappointed and ashamed of myself that my inaction to seek help or get treatment sooner, has lead to my wife, the love of my life, to believe that I don’t find her attractive and don’t want to be intimate with her.
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I’ve had fights with her before. The first few times I felt like a complete failure and sad and dejected I wanted to work on myself. There was a period time when I was without a job, in a new country, and just unable to perform in many ways. The fights became predictable, more personal. It’s like I could identify the patterns and instead of feeling sad I started to feel angry, like this slow seething anger that I couldnt do anything with because I wasn’t earning and I didn’t have the right to say anything. I have a job now and in a career that I didn’t think was possible. But that anger comes up every time we argue. It’s become worse now and it’s affecting my performance
You’re not alone brother. We can both get through it and turn a corner
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Resentment
Irritated
Annoyed
Disrespected
Disappointed
Disregarded
We were traveling in Europe. The first day there, we had arrived on an overnight flight. I wanted to rest and recover that afternoon, she wanted to go out and see the sights. She needed to feel I was engaged in the trip and became irritated. I needed to recharge and felt exhausted.
I’ve applied a few of these already, and they are helpful.
My biggest issue I think is because i avoid conflict where I can. Because when I do get into an argument it can get very ugly very quick as my response is usually very reactive and fueled by anger. This is why I try to avoid it so I don’t make things worse, but then this leads to it bubbling away under the surface until eventually it erupts anyway. So instead of dealing with one issue when it arises, it ends up becoming a big list of issues that come out all at once. It’s a vicious cycle.
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We fight about some pretty small things at times, but it is all compounded and made bigger due to my underlying issue of not seeking help with my ED and mental health issues sooner. She feels that I have been selfish about not taking care of my issues sooner as she has had to endure some bad experiences when I was at my very lowest point. She feels like I am gas-lighting her when we fight as she always brings me up that I say one thing and do another but swear that I did. She needs me to step up and take accountability and acknowledge that I needed help. I feel that this is frustrating at times because I get tarnished with the gas-lighting brush for nearly everything now and I feel that that is unfair. I need her to be a little more understanding of my situation and know that my fear and stress is what has kept me from seeking help, and it has nothing to do with what she has said or done. But she doesn’t believe me when I tell her that.
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I am usually praised for my level headedness, patience and aura of calm, but I have lost my temper once a year for the past two years in a row and each has been heinous. Once, I joined a company where everyone was scrambling to point blame at each other rather than work towards our goal, and all the while making ourselves (more importantly, me) look incompetent - absolutely lost it. Team got schooled, plenty of swear words. Team pulled together after that. Their feelings were likely loss of direction and fear. Other occasion was someone trying to pin product failures on me when it was a specifying issue. Anywho, she was being combative and shuffling blame & called me “unhelpful.” Lost it. Professionally. I think her needs were trying to be a bitch - she nailed it.
My partner and I have fought when I wanted her to take up better habits like diet and exercise. I feel frustrated as she used to do these things and it feels like they have fallen off. I worry for her health and happiness. When arguing, she feels self-disappointment and frustrated at me trying to nudge her into better habits. I’ve realized she is in a dark place and needs me to be patient and that her progress may be slower than I want but that she is trying her best.
I don’t tend to argue but she’ll try to pull me into one. I feel like every word I say, even calmly, gets jumped on.
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My wife is incredibly difficult, this may come in handy although i do employ a lot of the techniques already.
My needs are to feel loved and respected. My girlfriends main one is to feel safe.
I feel irritable and anxious a lot of the time because I don’t think I’m loved or respected. My girlfriend has a plethora of feelings because she doesn’t always feel safe in our relationship.
I feel the same, I hope it helps to know you’re not alone
I struggle to read my partner. I need to communicate better. I project my thoughts and feelings onto her. I know better than this, so I will work on this and tell her what I wrote here!
I’ve been told by my wife that’s she wants to feel safe. And doesn’t. I’ve wanted attention or for her to peak interest in me and hasn’t happen. Communication is key and we need to communicate better at this