I have the same issues. At the fist moment I feel like I’m not hard, it spirals and I get even less hard.
I’ve had a lot of difficult experiences with sex, going back to my 20s. Most of it linked to performance anxiety with people I really cared about. Now, each negative experience compounds and arousal is completely shut down. I’m scared to think that I may never get past whatever this inhibition is that is preventing my arousal.
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Noticing that I’m not as hard as I used to be immediately makes me go soft and stay soft
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Agree with all of these. If I don’t get hard, or start to lose the erection, then that’s it, game over!
The woman can be very attractive and once we start having sex I lose my erection and can’t get it back
Not getting fully hard has made sex into a series of mental gymnastics over time, where it reached a point that it eventually turned into more of a performative experience and now at age 32 I’m not really able to enjoy it.
My wife was shaken when I was in my head, fearful of not pleasing her and did not get hard. We talked about and I’m glad she told me. I need to hear her and also let it go. I have experienced that when I relax I can get past it but if I focus on the fear I get stuck
Sex is how we communicate…
But twice last week I went soft and couldn’t get it back… I felt like a failure
Been a while since I’ve been back in the game, largely do to the fear of performance anxiety. In a new relationship now, wasn’t really a problem to start, but now that it’s getting serious I’m starting to experience that performance anxiety again.
I get really nervous the first times trying to have sex with someone new, and then I get the feeling it will never work
My performance anxiety has destroyed my sex life. I avoid sex and intimacy now.
I feel anxious all the time and am constantly testing myself to see if I can get hard
Whenever I feel myself going soft I instantly get hyper focused on it. Even with the most beautiful girl in front of me, I still go soft.
Started as a rare thing, but after it began to happen, it started to snowball. Now I constantly worry about it.
Relate to the last guy. Once the erection weakens then it only gets worse from there
As soon as I notice I’m losing hardness I get circle vision of just that and then my erection dissipated. Even in the most erotic situations and while trying new things.
I’m experiencing a combination of the second (new-here) and third (trying) reason. I started dating a new girl and she’s awesome, but unfortunately I’ve had erection issues with her that I’ve never had before. Right now, I can be having sex for 10-15 minutes, but then I’ll start becoming scared of going soft. Once I feel myself go a little soft, I start getting scared of going even softer. And before I know it, I’m soft.
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Typically going soft from transitioning from my oral to her oral then to penetration.
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The third point - as soon as I notice it and I’m in my head that’s it, game over. My partner and I have split after 6 years but towards the last 2 years it happened once she had a terrible reaction, was very upset and since then I can’t get it out of my head - every time we would try after all I would think about is trying to stay hard
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I have little trouble getting aroused and going, but when things don’t progress I start to get anxious.
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