My relationship is not based on sex alone. It does not depend on amazing sex. Moving away from the catastrophic perspective will mean I can relax before and during sex and enjoy it more. Enjoying it more will mean my performance improves.
this beautiful girl is front of me and I cant get hard. this is the reason I cant get hard. I can do this she is on my level, and I deserve pleasure.
My wife goes down on me because she wants to and enjoys it. Not because she feels obliged and it actually disgusts her
During foreplay, I struggle to get an erection
“Ffs, I should be getting an erection”
“My body isn’t working properly”
Catagorical imperative
~ I can get erections, just sometimes I don’t
~ My body does work properly, as I’ve had my hormones checked, it’s my brain I need to sort
- I will get an erection when it is right.
- my body does and will work
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At times I don’t get an election or on hard to penetrate. The frustration with myself just makes it worse. I know that my body works just fine. I’ve had plenty of successful sex in the past. I just need to turn my thoughts off and have the fun that it is. Actually let my dick do the thinking and shut my head off for a while.
This one episode of not getting hard enough to have penetration, than all went downhill. A constant worry in back of my mind. Even though i know physically everything is fine and its all in my head. Brain focus on negative stuff
“My partner has no more patience and will leave me if I don’t get hard this time”
My partner wants this to happen and it has been so long. She will leave me if it doesn’t happen soon.
“Its happened once, now it will happen every time”
Overgeneralising
There no reason it will happen every time, it has always worked in the past
Disqualifying the positive
Even though it’s gone well most of the time, I focus on the negative times more
Overgeneralization
I can practice on reversing my overgeneralization thoughts to focus in on the present with confidence
Just because it’s happened before does NOT mean it will happen again on my date tonight!
I will never be able to do this it’s to far gone. Sex just won’t work for me
I’m undesirable, when in reality I do have people who like me for me and not every hit is gonna land
My girlfriend will never want to have sex again. Our sex life is over and it’s all her fault.
How did the date go mate ?
I’ve done it before, therefore there’s evidence that I will do it again. It’s a bigger deal in my head than it ever is to her. At the end of the day, it’s just her and I there. No one else.
I can get hard regardless of my age
I can perform for the length of time I desire. My body and mind can relax and be in the moment
Last time I had sex, I had a mild erection and couldn’t last more than 10 seconds.
I thought I was such a failure as I did not manage to satisfy my partner
I gave her oral sex and she cummed, but she did mention she prefer to be able to have longer penetration sessions.