I told my partner that I was embarrassed about not being able to maintain it long enough and that i was sorry ill do better. She has told me that something like this happens and that i should never say sorry about it because its a completely normal thing
That I am not going to be able to get hard during foreplay. I will counter that I’ve got and maintained an erection for countless sessions before.
Being on beta blockers destroyed my erections for the last 5 years, finally got off of them and in my head I can no longer get erections. I have done p-shots and multiple medications, but told it’s in my mind now.
Negative: because I couldn’t stay hard even with penetration, my partner was disappointed.
Reality: she told me she had a great time that she really appreciated the attention I gave to her body and can’t wait to do it again. Having a rock hard cock had little outcome on her experience. I was mind reading.
Always worry about finishing early. But I set myself up for failure. She’s just happy to be with me and I’m happy to be with her
1 Like
I worry my partner is always disappointed when i struggle to maintain my erection. It feels like a rift and a divide. This impending sense of doom like she’ll leave me.
The evidence isn’t there though. She’s always supported me and reassured me when it’s happened in the past. My erections were good at the start of the relationship. I am physically in great health. It’s all mental
1 Like
I always worry my partner will be disappointed i don’t keep an erection but she always tells me how she dosent care. I know it’s all in my head because I can get strong erections by myself
As I read the discussions I have experienced both. In all instances it makes you question your worth and value to your partner and even yourself.
I’ve tried to carry over positive thoughts from my daily personal and professional life, and I’ve noticed that when I do that our makes it easier to stop the negative thoughts in my intimate life
Me too man she’s says it’s fine but holy fuck I need to relax like you said we can do it brother!
1 Like
I know that when there is no pressure, I can stay hard for long periods of time. Everything outside of having sex (myself, foreplay, etc) shows me that I can stay hard, but somehow during sex all the doubt comes in. But realistically, I know it’s psychological and nothing physical
2 Likes
That because I failed the last time we tried to have planned sex to conceive, I’ll never be able to have sex and finished unless it’s totally spontaneous. I know this isn’t true, though, because we have had planned sex a lot of times, even when trying to conceive
1 Like
That because I don’t ‘think’ I’ll get hard I won’t. That isn’t true because sometimes I am not even thinking about sex and I get hard just from cuddling
1 Like
I’ve been having lots more success with sex lately and being able to notice when I start spectatoring and bring myself back to the present and to awareness of sensation. There are old worries tied to old emotions that still sometimes show up, but I’m learning to not engage with them like I used to, and now I have so much evidence as to why they are old ways. Also I know my partner is with me on this journey, and that acceptance makes me feel safe to be imperfect.
2 Likes
I tend to believe that my partner thinks about previous partners who probably haven’t had this issue. But I have to challenge that idea and be in the moment and accept she is enjoying herself.
1 Like
The law of attraction gives you what you focus on..focus on being hard and lasting rather than the current state. Visualise the future state as often as you can. If the negative comes up then delete that program mentally and shift your focus onto the positive.
1 Like
That I don’t feel like having sex as I’m nervous I won’t be hard. My partner would still have a good time and enjoy it the same.
So well articulated. This is how I feel as well. Mind fuck and old stories.
Comparison is the thief of orgasms
I worry my partner will feel disappointed or rejected if I cannot maintain my erection
This isn’t true, they have been nothing but supportive the times it has happened and there are plenty of ways to enjoy ourselves regardless of this. Only this built up internal pressure on myself is causing my negative thoughts and reactions
That I will be rejected or that there’s something wrong with me to fix or that this will happen every time.
These aren’t true. My partner is open minded and is here because they are genuinely attracted to me and want to sleep with me. I’m not sick or have any physical issues. And I can maintain an erection in the beginning of foreplay.