Sometimes when I have trouble getting hard it is because I feel like my partner isn’t attracted to me. The reality is that I need to create intimacy outside of the bedroom and when that is missing there is less spark. Feeling the joy of my partner makes sex so much easier
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That this is a neverending cycle, that can only end in me being impotent, because the voices are true and I have tried so hard. It’s just not worth it.
My reprogrammed thought is that I have come so far, had incredible sex with beautiful women, and enjoyed it all. The most important factor is that I feel comfortable with the woman, and that I am attracted to her.
I never to get rid of my all or nothing thinking! And my fortune telling
My constant thought comes up in anticipation of sex and is pretty simple ‘what if my dixk doesn’t get hard’ then this spirals into anxiety and a never ending thought loop. Realistically I have only had a couple bad experiences and eve my last experience was a good one. My brain is trying to ‘protect’ me from embarrssment but if I can get rid of the expectation then I’ll have nothing to be embarressed about
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Hard to read my partner, I’m thinking I’m inadequate because I have trouble
I’m single, I think I’m a good catch - but I get to 3/4 dates and get worked up about having sex, the thoughts lead to if I can perform, then when the night happens it all comes true and I get up messaging them afterwards making excuses then breaking it off because I feel embarrassed. I feel like as I’m getting to know someone I can’t open up properly and tell them how I feel an how much pressure I put on myself. So I’m getting caught up in this cycle whereby I’m not getting close to someone and then have the same issue when the time comes back round.
The negative thought is that by not getting and staying hard everytime I think I should I’m a failure as a human and to my partner..
The argument is that the only reason this is happening is because my brain has created the situation where this has happened and by reinforcing the steps in my brain to relax, and enjoy regardless, I will retrain myself to get and stay hard more and more frequently
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The negative thought I am reprogramming is that I can’t get erections exactly like I used to. But, the truth is there is every reason I can unless I believe or tell myself otherwise.
I am disqualifying the positive by not acknowledging all I’ve accomplished so far and respecting that sense of achievement. And I’m catastrophising by thinking maybe I am stuck with the remaining issues with my erections.
The reality is that this is just negative thinking that will get in the way of finally eliminating the dysfunction that has plagued my life for years. And if anything, all the evidence in the progress I made proves that I can beat these last few challenges.
If I don’t get hard or if I don’t last long it means I will be completely rejected and worthless.
The reality is there’s good reasons why that might happen but likely she’ll be understanding and if she isn’t then it’s on her anyway.
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I can’t finish all the time in bed so I am a failure.
I can challenge this by focusing on how I do finish sometimes and sex is great when I do, so I just need to hold on to that feeling
The thought I’m going to reprogram is “I’m going to disappoint my partner in bed.”
Instead I’m going to satisfy her and meet her needs
I can’t please my partner and she might leave.
Instead, i know we have a worthwhile connection outside of sex. She’s not going anywhere.
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I’m less of a man if I can’t satisfy her.
The reality is I can satisfy her, and that’s why she wants the connection with me so badly
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“I won’t be able to get an errection and satisfy her the way she likes it”
When I argue this way it makes 100% sense that I won’t get a solid errection because I can’t relax due to the negative thoughts I’ll face in this situation. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy made up by my negative thought and insecurities.
I’m less of a husband if I can’t get it up.
My partner supports me regardless of my performance
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‘‘I believe my partner does not find me appealing or hot during sex’’
My partner always tells me how hot I am during sex and the only reason this negative thought comes up is because of my own insecurities
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Because I couldn’t get it up last time I won’t be able to next time
One thought is I can physically get hard, sex is not a negative thing. It’s a healthy human necessity.
Every time I have a new partner I will not be able to get hard, but once I do eventually manage it, then it gets better and better
If I lose it before penetration linger for a while and get back into your sense of touch. Don’t focus on your dilemma focus on the pleasure or fun and suddenly your hard again.