It’s the putting yourself second, always, for me.
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I think lack of awareness on both men and women’s parts. Well, both lack of awareness and misinformation. It seems a lot of men are educated about sex by porn first, and perhaps most even over time, and even women have internalized pop cult (film, porn, etc.) representations of women’s sexuality. I think the danger element is important, too. For women, safety is often a real concern, and we’ve sort of metabolized that as part of the experience when exp has very gradually taught me that safety is prob the first and foremost factor enabling me to orgasm with another.
It was the more of a “wow that makes so much sense and u can’t believe I wasn’t aware of this”. Pretty much all resonated with me.
Always in my head and doubting my abilities. Thinking what else could I be doing to have this go better for him if possible.
The idea that my “role” in the bedroom is to be desirable rather than to be curious about my own pleasure. I am coming to terms with the idea that my pleasure is my responsibility.
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Hadnt thought about the really negative language around women and sex but i can see how this impacts
feeling like it’s a performance, it always feels like this even when i am enjoying myself i am worried about how i am presenting myself whilst enjoying myself
The performance part - I’ve NEVER been honest (even with my current partner and he sees right through it) about not orgasming, to save their feelings. I also fake orgasms to save their feelings. Whyyyyy
Not knowing what to do next
Being overly selfless in bed. When I was still HU with the man who later SA’d me, he never reciprocated. Makes me understand that I could have just not bothered and found someone who isn’t awful lol
I feel like I’ve learned to prioritise a partners pleasure over my own and have gotten into a habit of being performative.
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I think I subconsciously perform without even realising. I’ve recently admitted it to myself and my partner but am at a loss on how to stop and actually focus on my pleasure
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Yep, the performance
I get in my head about it being my fault about taking so long or just point blank not being able to
Yes. Performance and faking it
Performance, not being present, not wanting to be an inconvenience because I’m taking too long, worried about how I will be perceived if I ask for what I want, worried about hurting my partners feelings. Not knowing what I want.
Performance feels like an expected part of sex, not even something I do consciously but it definitely creates a disconnect. Not wanting to be an inconvenience is big
Focusing on appearance and being attractive, focusing on partners pleasure not mine.
Feels like a performance
worried about disappointing him