I think I had a lot of people pleasing tendencies when it came to sex and for a long time didn’t even know I was supposed to feel pleasure. Mixed with having unexplored shame around sex and intimacy
This resonated
I definitely want to pleasure my partner and “put on a show” for him. I feel that I would get more negative reactions about my own pleasure
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At times im all about pleasuring my partner which turns me on and helps me get there
feeling the need to look good, and i feel like my pleasure is secondary or a burden. it really depends on my partners kinda pushing me to focus on my pleasure, since i won’t do it myself.
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I feel like this is where it gets tricky. By all measures I should be open to an orgasm. I didn’t feel bad about being sexual, I wasn’t afraid of harm in my relationship, I took measures to prevent pregnancy, I am open to kinks, new methods. I knew anatomy well and knew the different types of orgasms. I do get self conscious about looks and smells, only when oral is involved. It just feels like my body doesn’t respond how it should to stimulation.
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Although on reflection I think I do put a lot of focus on being the best for my partner and giving him exceptional pleasure, but I have a hard time accepting focused attention because I cant guarantee it will pay off. I wasn’t averse initially, but being anrogasmic shut me down fairly quickly so I preferred focusing on him.
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That a man can sleep with anyone and have no judgement on them at all and have multiple baby mothers but it’s seen as unbecoming or being a st or whe if you’re open about your sexual partners especially if you have several.
It’s just complicated and difficult to explain, I want someone to just know what to do but it’s a big ask when I feel disconnected from my body and pleasure
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Feeling like I should prioritize my partner’s pleasure and be sexy and attractive for them definitely resonates
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literally all of them!
Even though I’m currently in a very loving, sexually satisfying relationship, I occasionally feel that if I’m taking too long to orgasm, or needing something different, I don’t want my partner to feel rejected or like he’s doing anything wrong so that makes me feel pressured to perform, or feel like if I don’t orgasm I’ll disappoint him. I know this comes from my own stories I’m telling myself, past experiences or cultural conditioning rather than anything he says or does.
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I think it’s easier to focus on your partner because it’s harder to articulate what they need to do to get you to the same space. I know for me Im realizing that my attitude has been to set my needs aside. I think as women and nurturer we do that. This was such a wrong attitude. I’m a 51yo female married 30 years and I’m just now realizing that my sexual experience is not just a want but a need. I’m just now coming to the realization that my needs are just as important as anyone else’s.
I started to have sex quite early due to pressure from my boyfriends side, and in turn got a wrong impression of it. I see sex as more of a performative act, where everything from my side should be perfect and targeted to pleasure my partner, rather than thinking about myself.
The performance aspect. Also, the focus being on remaining desirable rather than what we need. Like I’ll be too messy or not attractive when pushing for my needs
It’s “cute” and “rare” that women don’t have much experience in sex so they appear to be innocent
Not wanting to make my favorite partner feel bad
Not wanting to be seen as difficult
The need to perform during sex and prioritise my partner’s pleasure
They need to perform during sex and prioritize my partners needs.