Use the new information in this lesson to reflect on the past few weeks. Can you think of a behavior that might have been a shame re-containment strategy?
If you feel up to it, share how you felt and what happened.
Remember to stop by other people’s comments and show some support. Sharing compassion and bringing shame into awareness helps all of us.
I contain my shame by people pleasing. Especially with my partner. I feel so concerned about rejection and anything that might make them feel bad. I’m working on it.
I contain shame by getting lost in the characters of erotic stories. The alt reality gives me a sense of belonging.
I was taught from a young age that sexual urges were wrong and should be resisted. Porn was bad, sex was bad, self-pleasure was bad, being curious about women and trying to learn more was treated as an addiction and a flaw. I was punished. My father (and my mother separately) had their own issues around sex and gender and literally tried to beat it out of me because of their own shame.
Not sure why, but i have always treated porn as a dirty little secret. I find the thought of anyone knowing that i get off to porn unbearable - I genuinley think I would rather die than have people knowing - such is the strength and stigma that I have attached to it.