Not entirely sure how to describe what I want or ask for it confidently. With a few partners, I feel like their patience wanes before we can figure out together what’s going to work for me to orgasm. So I just give up.
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Shyness
I want to give my wife a mind blowing orgasm and always priortise her. However, she’s reluctant to relax and take her time
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Because there’s only so many ways you can ask for the same thing. It gets awkward when they’re just completely not getting it right. Also worrying about taking too much time. Also if I’ve faked it before (which I always am) it presents an awkward situation of like “well it’s worked before” or worse “it works with everyone else, maybe there’s something wrong with you” because most other women are faking it too
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I’m extremely self conscious. I know what I’d like but imagine what it would look like to be looking at myself during sex and it really puts me off. As a high masking autistic woman, I’m a people pleaser by nature. I have almost never not faked it in my entire life. How can I possibly begin to be honest now?
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I usually just feel like “it’s not gonna happen anyway so why try,” which of course perpetuates the cycle but in my recent years I’ve just felt like it was futile. I also just feel embarrassed a lot of the time, like it’s embarrassing to want to feel good for some reason…
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I relate to this so much…
& also I take about 20 minutes to get there by myself, so I know it’s going to be a while if at all with a partner—and I wouldn’t want to put them through that…
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I feel bad that I can only cum with toys, it feels like im inadéquate somehow. My partner is awesome about bringing toys into sex, but I feel disappointed that it’s the only way I can get there
Wow yes same, this is exactly what works for me too, but yes I agree it would feel like a partner might think that looks weird or they don’t get to be part of it
What I need is a vibrator on my clit and fingers inside me at the same time. However the worry (esp with a new partner) is if I say that’s what I need, and then I don’t get there, then we’ll both be disappointed. If I don’t say what I need and I don’t get there, then at least we both won’t have gotten our hopes up
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I’ve never orgasmed (in partnered sex or solo - and I’ve had queer partnered sex) so I just don’t know what to ask for. I’m also extremely reliant on being mentally turned on to feel much sensation, and the process of trying to figure out what feels good really takes me out of a sexual head space.
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I feel like it would take too long for me to get there if my partner tried & they would lose interest and not enjoy it. Using a vibrator only takes about 2-3 minutes but with a partner it can take over 10 minutes.
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I like the feeling of penetration, but it’s hard to orgasm when that’s happening, especially with fingers. But to communicate that to someone is hard. Like, “hey I need you to stop so I can feel good.” It makes me feel like a bad guy.
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I’ve tired and my partner never pursued it. Every sexual encounter we have i feel like I have to initiate and i don’t ever get the chance to relax and enjoy cause its always the question " what can I do? Or " what do you want?" Something about that immediately snaps me out of the moment and I start over thinking
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Embarrassment
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I guess guilt of knowing I’m likely going to have to use a vibrator and even then I may not finish
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I feel like it’s too much work for them and that I won’t orgasm anyway.
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Not knowing what i need? Or thinking i do but that not working.
Feeling like it will never happen no matter what my partner does. Discouragement/giving up is the right word
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